This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
