im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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