I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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