I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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