did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
