this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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