So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
