the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize