Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
