Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
