You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
