I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
