I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
