I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
