I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
