Non-Jews are for practice
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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