at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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