dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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