Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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