jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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