im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
