Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
