he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
