Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
