I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
