after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
