my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
