As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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