some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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