just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?