So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated