and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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