Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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