you have to choose: penises or morals?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
