she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.