he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
