Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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