I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
