I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
high people should be assigned attendants
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
