she woke up with a sticky ear
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
