Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
