i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
