She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
