I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
