I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
They took my balls.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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