I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
