I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
