Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
