# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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