so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
