I'd wear matching sweaters with you
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I supernannyed him into submission
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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