Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
