currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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