i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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