I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
