I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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