just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
