Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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