FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
