Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
