So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My cat gives me a boner
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
What a dumb baby whore.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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