There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
