U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
