Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Boobs speak an international language.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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