i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
