I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
