So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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