walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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