i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
