She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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