John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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