Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
