My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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