I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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