her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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